blarrrrrgh and also come up with better entry titles

I am awake now, and ALL Y'ALL ARE GOING DOWN.

Time for some serious notes.

You guys? Down there in the comments? You suck. ..okay, so there's only one of you. But still, you suck. We all know you're a fictional character. You're a blogging personality made by alliterator.

"Wh... why would you say that, White Jester?" Because I hate fictional blogging. It pisses me off to all ends. Guys, blogging is not a video game. It's not supposed to be this story you can interact with. And if it is some bullshit story you can interact with, YOU SHOULD FUCKING WRITE IT SO YOU CAN INTERACT WITH IT.

Commenting and getting replies from the protagonist is not interacting with the story! That's playing pretend, essentially writing fanfiction. Interacting with the story would be something like a crossover, and crossovers are still done horribly wrong.

In order for something to work in the artistic medium of writing, it has to have precedent. It can't just unexpectedly show up in the middle of a story. It needs either warning, foreshadowing, or a precedent for it to call back to. Let's say you have a duck show up halfway through a story that suddenly eats the protagonist. A warning would be "A duck is going to show up and eat you." A foreshadowing would be basically that but much vaguer. A precedent would be the character being eaten earlier on by some other creature, to establish that being eaten is something that can feasibly happen to the protagonist.

In the best of works, events have both a precedent and either a warning or foreshadowing. In blogging? THERE IS RARELY EITHER.

One more thing. STOP WITH THE FUCKING LABELS, LABELS ARE THERE TO ORGANIZE YOUR BLOG, THEY ARE NOT A BONUS OUTLET FOR STORYTELLING. Furthermore, if you use them as a bonus outlet for storytelling, you need to tell your readers the labels are there to read! PRECEDENT. WARNING. LAMPSHADING. And furthermore, don't ever use labels that way if you're trying to be original.

joafdjadgsjghughuiragu

Seven pageviews; that's more like it! Fuck yeah!

Anyway, I'm probably gonna go to sleep soon. 'Cause fuck all y'all.

Oh yeah, Writing Rule #5: Unless something important's gonna happen when you sleep, don't post you're going to sleep. Law of conversation of retail, man. Gotta talk about that retail.

..I mean, I'm fine because this is a real blog. I may be a fictional character, but this blog's real.

And also, the title of this post reminds me of Writing Rule #8: Smashing on your keyboard, realistically, would only look like eijr or some other ;lfad small thing. It never looks like j9dsfjgnfisgjfdiogjisdjfadsua some really long string of jumbles.


And also, Writing Rule #13: If you're gonna split one story into multiple blogs, make sure each blog is different from the other a significant amount, and make sure each narrator has a set arc. But I don't know why I said that one. I don't think it has anything to do with anything.

RAWR

I don't have a single pageview yet. Oh my god.

You guys suck. I should have, like, seven-hundred followers. Minimum.

Look at Amy, she started a blog fucking bashing you guys and she had fans left and right! IT'S BECAUSE I'M WHITE, ISN'T IT? Or is it because I speak Spanish?

But hey, at least I'm not fucking lampshading having followers and comments. Like "HEY WOW I HAVE FOLLOWERS NOW" or "HERP DERP I DUNNO WHY YOU GUYS ARE FOLLOWING ME BUT I GUESS THE FACT THAT I'M A FICTIONAL CHARACTER AND THIS BLOG WAS INTRODUCED IN A THREAD ON THE FEAR MYTHOS FORUM MIGHT HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH IT."


That's another thing. Writing Rule #2: We know it's fictional. Don't push it.


Writing Rule #3 is Don't be a hypocrite, but I can't really think of any examples of that one, so I'll let it slide. Maybe you assholes aren't half-bad after all.

Writing Rules #1, Baby

First of all, let me start by saying this is the best fucking blog layout ever. Awesome Inc? Yeah, I love it. Dark colors? The best. It is, of course, beautifully juxtaposed by the fact that I am the White Jester, so it's like... black and white, yin-yang motif. It's brilliant, and I'm fucking clever for coming up with it. I took a blog layout that I fucking see everywhere and made it artsy.

Second of all, "House of the Harlequin?" Best name ever, am I right? How many blogs out there have "house" somewhere in their title? Not that many, man! And how many use some symbolic reference to an old work, like.. a minotaur or some old God? PLENTY! So I decided to, like, use this anachronism and refer to both OH GOD THE RAPTURE IS BURNING's Harlequin and also to the Harlequin archetype of old Italian commedia dell'arte. See, I'm fucking genius at this. Writing is easy as hell, just come up with stuff and make them related somehow.

Third of all, the blog description. The pretentious quotes? Yeah, I don't even need to say anything about those. That's the next rule of writing: Don't lampshade everything you do.

Yeah, I've decided I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna teach you guys how to write. 'Cause God knows you need lessons.

Oh, Look, Another Witty Blogger

Rapture's nothing but bullshit. That's just a scare tactic used by DJay32 to get us to convert. It may have worked in the slenderverse, but we're civilized now. Now, we'

OH GOD, THE WHITE JESTER IS HERE.


Yeah, hey. I'm the White Jester. I've gotten really tired of hearing "Wah, wah, lookit me, I'm a fictional blogger, I'M REAL even though I'm fictional, listen to meeeeee." So I'm gonna lay it with you simply, kay? I am not a real person; "The White Jester" is a fictional pseudonym for Jordan Dooling, the protagonist of OH GOD THE RAPTURE IS BURNING, and I am neither him nor related. I am not here to be stalked by Fears; Fears are not real. I am not here to use Fears metaphorically; that's fancy shit and I'm not a writer. I am a blogging personality, and I am here to cushion your safe little tushies when they hit the cold, hard ground of fiction after floating around in the bullshit clouds of "realism."


Again, I am not DJay32. I am not Jordan Dooling. I do not even know him. I have merely read his works, and.. well, I've named myself after a character of his. But believe me, I don't exactly like the guy. The same with alliterator, the same with Lizard Bite, the same with Omega, the same with CuteWithoutThe, the same with LoveHopeRainbows and with Amy, you name the blogger and it's the same with them. I don't like these people; I'm simply devoting an entire blog to talking about you. ...so don't get any ideas!